How To Escape When You Feel Like You Can't

Shirt and Vest- ℅ Red 23 Clothing , Purse- ℅ Windsor

Let me paint a picture for you. Yours might be similar, but the details are just filled in with events that pertain to your particular season in life.

Reading emails to find that a large order for your company falls through, another company you worked with is trying to take advantage and pay you less than agreed on, you realize you have a couple hours to meet a really important deadline, ah, crap but you have a church event you are partially in charge of in just a couple of hours…

texts go off: is this person seriously telling me this right now? Oh my gosh I'm going to have anxiety if one more thing…

phone rings.

more emails come.

what are you feeding your kids for dinner? 

oh man, have I even eaten yet today?

My sons birthday party is in 3 days, and we're having a Halloween party the night before. WHY did I ever think that was a good idea?

more emails come in: aghhh, I forgot I'm leaving town next weekend.

and every weekend in November for work.

but we have so much to do… I'm not ready…

Okay, I just let you in on merely the past TEN MINUTES inside of my life/head.

I'm getting better at handling these types of instant life attacks, but don't always confront them with suave. I refer to them as life attacks because dang it, sometimes too much life happens way too fast and at the same time and who in the world knew that suddenly 10 things could go wrong at the drop of a hat? And in these moments, all I want to do is escape. I want to crawl under the storage space beneath my stairs or hop on a plane to Hawaii or turn everything off and pet my dog until my husband comes home with ice cream and a new outfit for me and tells me he'll fix all my problems.

But this is real life.

And a life attack is in the process of happening.

So none of those things are feasible or sane to do at the moment.

So here are a couple of the ways I escape the sanity for just a moment, until I am able to relax and continue saving everything in my little world from exploding:

1- Shut off your phone, turn everything off for a moment, and be still. There's a special thing that Buddhists do to live happy lives. They become very in touch with everything thats happening around them. They take in colors, focus on smells, listen to the airplane above or the lawn mower outside. Everything becomes a soothing experience because they use their surroundings to calmly experience life. This has been my number one go to method to escaping my stress, even if its just for a moment. Somedays, when I try extra hard to pay attention to everything around me, stressful moments will happen but I don't feel them as intensely because I've been careful to not get too distracted throughout the day. When you drive, look at the colors, letters, and cars that surround you. When you eat, soak up the colors, the smells, the action that you are doing. You might think I'm crazy, and I am in a lot of ways ;), but try this. It has helped tremendously.

2- Start a "locked away" email folder or note box. Have you just received a horrible phone call, text or email? Do you want to just tell the other person off and are so irate you don't even know what to do with yourself? I think that's my least favorite feeling…ever. Release your anger. Get everything out that you could possibly say. Write it down, allow yourself to go through the process of being upset. Address that letter to them, and then lock it in a box under your bed, never to be opened again. Sometimes you just need to unwind by expressing your most candid feelings, but a lot of times those feelings would destroy relationships if said too harshly. So, write it down, and lock it away.

3- Read an email, article, scripture, old text message, etc, that you know will brings you peace, happiness, and remind you as to why you do what you do. Read an old note from someone who you have positively impacted, go look at art your child has made at school, or focus on what you've done recently that has been of benefit to someone else. See, you're not so bad.

4- Pray. Ask God for peace. Ask Him how you can best handle your situation. Ask Him for more strength, more patience, more faith, and help. He'll give it to you.

And then, get back to doing the work that you were made to do.

You can do it.

Promise.

Fall Wear.

   

White Tee- Windsor, Black Skirt- Windsor, Grey Beanie- Similar, Black Pants- Windsor, 

Brown Satchel- Olivia and Joy (Similar), Grey Clutch- Primma Donna, jewelry- The Shine Project

photos by Jessica Roussel Photography

I wanted to share with you some of my must have and affordable fall staples. 

It was 105 when I was wearing this beanie… haha, so we still have a ways to go in Phoenix. But I know that everywhere else the weather will be dropping soon. I hope you all had a great weekend. We're gearing up to launch new fall merchandise soon… which is when the necklaces I'm wearing will be available. Can't wait to show you!

PS: Everything I'm wearing is less than $34

20 Things You Probably Don't Know About Me.

Shirt, Pants, Purse- ℅ Windsor, Bracelets- Threads by The Shine Project

1. I have a cow-lick. I part my hair usually on the side because otherwise it just flops over anyways.

2. I had a mullet when I was about four. A real, live, mullet. Thanks mom.

3. I have a horrific fear of birds.

4. And of clowns.

5. I have to sleep with my feet propped up on pillows, and about 4 other ones surrounding me.

6. If you look closely, you'll see a scar above my left eye from a non cancerous tumor that was taken out when I was seven. It was going to make me blind.

7. Speaking of eyes, I also have a small beauty mark under that same eye, and people usually tell me I have either a bug or mascara when they notice it.

8. I do things in multiples of threes. A little OCD about it.

9. I'm very allergic to cats. They make my face swell up and my throat close, it's unreal.

10. I'm naturally a shy person. I have to make an effort not to be.

11. I hate the snow.

12. I love peanut butter and butter sandwiches. Try it.

13. I was born in San Diego.

14. I have a gigantic scar on my right elbow from breaking it and having two surgeries to fix it. My kids and husband call it the slug.

15. I have the same middle name as my mom and great grandma. It's Katherine.

16. My last name means The Best in French. Deal breaker.

17. I hate when only one window is open in the car and makes that crazy noise. My ears.

18. I played softball and lacrosse in high school. 

19. I'm 27. People always think I'm older. Don't tell me that :)

20. I haven't cut my hair for about two years. No scissors on this main… 

Whats something random about you? And if you make a post, share it below.

ps: Make sure you follow along on instagram @theshineproject for an amazing giveaway 

with Windsor Store tomorrow!

Joe Fresh + Turn Color On

 If you follow along on Instagram you saw that I was so excited to take my first trip to New York City this summer. It was everything and nothing like I thought it would be, and I felt so grateful to have the opportunity to experience the magic of the most intriguing city I've ever been to. 

The reason I was there was for a campaign I got to do for Joe Fresh. Joe Fresh just launched their US ecommerce site and I was so excited. I was able to share how I turn color on in my life. To me, turning color on has to do with spreading your color to others through service and love, and thinking outside of the box. In my wardrobe, I am always wearing a flash of something bright, and Joe Fresh has the perfect staples that I'm excited to now have online access to. You can also shop the looks I wore during the shoot here.

This was the biggest on set campaign I have ever been a part of.

We worked with the promotional team from Vogue, an amazing production crew, and the creatives behind Joe Fresh for two days to create everything you'll see on their website for the Turn Color On campaign. It was inspiring and exhilarating to be surrounded by these amazing creatives who are passionate for what they do. And can we talk about that spinny thing for a minute? I don't know how many times I rode around that little guy but at one point I had to tell them to stop because I knew I was about to fall flat on my face. Heels+a room full of people staring at you+switching poses+a small spinning device= not good for my clumsy two feet.

Here is my final video, and make sure you go to the website here so you can see more of what went on behind the scenes, and to check out one of my new favorite ecommerce sites.

To everyone at Joe Fresh, Vogue Promos, Lovesocial, Socialyte, and all who were a part of this, thank you so much for choosing me to be able to work with you and have this incredible experience. I am grateful and you've set my standards high for any future New York trips ;)

The Art Of Caring For Your Spirit.

Jeans- ℅ Dittos, Jacket- ℅ Voi Jeans, Shoes- ℅ Shop Prima Donna, Shirt- Anthropologie

Do more. 

Be more.

Spend more.

Make more.

Get more.

Help more.

more. more. more. more.

I've been getting tired. So tired, in fact, that in longing to be more, I have actually become less. Life is an interesting balance of so many things. When I get on social media every day, the balance looks like it needs to involve a lot of things that I really shouldn't spend time caring about. For some reason I'm told that I'm supposed to care about this Kardashian drama, or that Miley Cyrus shenanigan, or that the top retailer in the country is having the best sale of the year and I need what they are trying to sell me. Sometimes I start thinking that I actually care about this junk and find myself spending 10 minutes of my life reading the most garbage articles my eyes have ever laid eyes on. And then I'm told that I'm not parenting good enough, or that my ideas of love and marriage are too old school, and that I can be better so I need to change xyz and w. 

You're told these things, too. If you scroll down just your Facebook home page, sponsored post after sponsored post and tags of what is trending tell you these things every day. I'm starting to get so cranky at everything because I feel like garbage is being flung into my daily life and I have no control over it. I had enough, and I needed peace, and space, and quiet. I needed to get away from work, and people, and phone and media and everything. So I do what I always do in the moment, and called my sister and told her that we were going to Sedona. Actually, my husband told me that I was going to Sedona… probably so that the poor guy could find a small ounce of hope that his crazy wife would stop going batty over little things, take a chill pill, and come back refreshed. And of course, my sister had to come with me because I can't do anything without her and I desperately wanted her new baby for 24 hours to be right next to me.

We drove. We drove up to where we retreat when we need more armor for battle and where we can sit and be still. Within minutes of arriving, my over anxious life started to feel like it was winding down and that I could feel peace. Peace, I have learned, is the only feeling the world can not mock. It's a feeling that only comes from God. It can't be faked or bought, it can't be mimicked or intimidated. It belongs to a higher power, and can only come to us when we're able to feel it. 

I live in this war with myself, a lot of you know what I mean.

My mind and my head are running around 200 miles an hour. I tell myself more and when I logically can't make sense of things or figure out how a situation could possibly end well, my head makes the rest of my body freak out. It controls me, if I let it. 

Sometimes my spirit will kick in. It will fuel up with hope and faith, and give me a little more love to offer. It tells me things will be fine, and it helps me regain focus on what is important. It helps me live a life that I want to look back and say I lived. But the battles between myself and myself get rocky sometimes. And I get caught up in listening to my head, all the while forgetting that if my spirit leads, things will be fine. But we don't live in a spiritual world. We live in a temporal world that tells us things that are contrary to the things that are really true. 

You need time in your sanctuary. You need to make time in your retreat, to guard up and add more spiritual man power to your daily fight. Get away… in your room, on a mountain, in a church or the middle of nowhere or on a bench in the middle of the city. And let it be quiet. Don't think about things, 

feel things. The art of caring for your spirit comes from having the courage to let trivial matters pass you by, while maintaining focus on love, service, living and light.

A soldier doesn't go to battle unprepared.

You shouldn't either.

How To Stop Having People Walk All Over You.

Shoes- ℅ Movmt (get 40% off with code SHINE40) Bracelets- Threads

I used to be a softie. I thought I was tough, but in reality, it was difficult for me to speak up when someone was taking advantage of me, or doing something that I didn't like. I'm not sure when things shifted, but I hit a point where I realized I can say "no" and that my opinions matter. I have friends who struggle with this, and always feel like they are undervalued, are stressed because they have too many commitments, and feel like their life doesn't belong to them anymore.

Put your big girl cape on, because it's time to stop letting people walk all over you:

1- Say no- "Can you watch my kids this weekend?"… "Can I borrow your favorite shoes even though I broke 3 other pairs you lent me?"… "Will you come fix my life again because I can't stop making bad decisions and I know you will bail me out?"… "Can I borrow more money?"

No. If the same people have been asking you the same things for a very long time, say no. This is your fabulous life. You're not a get out of jail free card. You're a person, with emotions and deadlines and goals that you are in charge of dealing with. There's a difference between service and being taken advantage of. If you feel walked all over, but feel bad doing anything about it, have you ever considered that you are only feeding into anthers bad habits? Always giving in enables someone to never have to learn how to be accountable for their actions. You're not their babysitter, and you're not a bad guy if you say NO. Say it out loud. Right now. Ten times. Feels good, ya?

2- Have opinions- There's one person that I will never be able to have work for me, and that is someone who doesn't have opinions. You know what I'm talking about. The person who doesn't care where you eat…ever, or who says just do what you think is best all the time, or who genuinely has no thoughts or feelings about a situation. Express yourself. If someone asks you a question, answer it honestly. If you disagree with what is being shared, said, or planned, voice it. It's okay to want to walk a different direction. Dang it, say you don't like something!

3- Stick up for yourself- Alright, I'll admit it, I still am a softie in certain aspects in my life. Example A: Recently I hired someone to help create a new product for us. I got the samples and price quote back and it was absolutely, completely, terribly, no good. They did it wrong and expected me to pay for it. I had this moment where I reverted back to old habits and thought, "I'll just suck this up so I don't rock this relationship. I'm not going to say anything." After a second of thinking I couldn't believe I justified their wrong doing and put it on myself. Their mess up was not my fault. So I told them that it needed to be fixed, and guess what, the world didn't explode. Stick up for yourself, or you will find yourself loathing everyone who you never said anything to.

4- Don't put the weight of the world on your shoulders. You can only do so much, help out so many times, and be inconvenienced in so many different ways before you have to realize that some people won't ever change, you're not their punching bag, and you don't have to spend your life fixing their bad behavior. Be there when completely necessary, but don't become a slave to someone else's problem, especially if they don't value your space and perspective.

Help others help themselves, and stick up for you!

4 Ways Not to Measure Your Happiness.

Shirt- c/o Howling At The Moon, Pants- c/o Joe Fresh, Shoes- Piperlime, Purse- Kate Spade, Bracelets- Threads

photos by Mallory Fraughton

I get it because I'm right there with you. Our journey through life can get hard, and all of us crave the feeling of happiness. That's why we're here, right? To feel happy. In order to feel happy, we also have to know what it feels like to experience its counterpart. And that's part of life too, to overcome, get through, and grow up. 

I think a lot of people struggle with happiness because they gage it wrong. The more articles I read on popular websites about what really makes people happy, the sicker I feel. 4 things I have found to truly be no measure of true happiness, are 4 things that I commonly read about that claim to make you happy.

Here are Four Ways Not to Measure Your Happiness:

1- By the things you have- Do you have 100 pairs of shoes? Do you have 1 pair of shoes? If you are truly a happy person, that number won't matter. It won't matter what you have, or what you think you need… happiness can not be bought, and that is a concept that we have forgotten. We look at pretty images online, see outfits tagged on Instagram that could fund a college tuition, are constantly told we need more, and what's new is even better than the original. Listen, things don't change who you are as a person. They don't change your inner core of happiness, and if you think otherwise, then you are merely giving yourself an excuse as to why you aren't happy in the moment. Don't compare what you have to what others have, and don't think one way of living is better than another and therefore only one type of person can be truly happy. Count your blessings, and don't focus on material gain. Bigger is not always better… and, in fact, it will never be better if you aren't happy on the inside. 

2- By basing it on future events- I've met so many people who say something along the lines of, "when this happens then I'll be happy", or "if I was married, or done with school, or had a better job, or blah blah blah blah blahhhhhhhhh." Shoot, I fit into that category as well. We all look ahead, we aspire to be and hope to have, all the while forgetting the blessings in our current circumstance. The problem with always looking to the next thing, is that nothing is ever good enough, and you find yourself chasing your tail in a game that never brings true fulfillment. What's happening in your life now? If you feel like theres nothing, then create something. Create memorable experiences with your family, learn a new skill, do something to improve your life now. And then enjoy it.

3- By focusing on yourself- So many articles are written about what you need to do for yourself, or how you need to spend time pampering yourself and escaping life. I would like to suggest, it's not what you can do for yourself, but what you can do for other people that will bring you true joy. Service is the true joy giver. Spend a day lifting someone else up, and then tell me that you still feel terrible. It's merely impossible. If you live a life engulfed in only benefiting yourself, then I question you, are you truly happy? I won't be easily convinced that you are.

4- Discrediting the little things- ice cream. pool days. little kid giggles. fresh sheets. clean water. new friends. crazy adventures. learning experiences. days off. the ability to work. teaching your children. spreading kindness. There are so many little things that if we just took a second to recognize, it would be impossible to feel unhappy and ungrateful. Gratitude and happiness go hand in hand. Give yourself credit for the little things, give God credit for giving you those things, and find happiness in them.

3 Things That Country People GET.

   

Shirt- ℅ Mason & Belle, Pants- ℅ Mason and Belle, purse- ℅ Windsor, Bracelet- Threads

Mason and Belle is giving you $20 off your order with code "SPLOVESMB20"!

Mason and Belle is making me nostalgic for a little getaway to the country. The first time I ever experienced real, country living was for 7 months in the back woods of Kentucky. Accents so thick I just wanted to pinch everyone's cheeks off and drink lemonade on peoples porches that I didn't even know. Which, I was often invited to, because people in the country are friendly, and have time to be together, and aren't caught up in the rat race of life. 

I'll never forget the first county fair that I went to, where I also experienced my first funnel cake.

Why had life been holding out on me for so long?

And deep fried oreos… And horses and dirt roads and you guys! I need a trip to the country!

3 Things Country People GET Better Than The Rest Of Us:

1. Life isn't about being in a hurry- I'm always in a hurry, and I am not a patient person. At first, when I was in the midwest, I would get so frustrated with the lack of hustle and bustle that there was. It took me a while, but one day I realized, this is beautiful. This simple, full of gratitude for the little things type of lifestyle is what everyone needs. I'm happy there's people who value slowing down.

2. There are no strangers- I've never felt so welcome in homes of complete strangers as I did in the country. They don't care who you are or where you come from, they'll give you the shirt of their hard working backs. Some of my most treasured friendships where found there.

3. Family first, everything else… second- They do things together. They spend time outside and teach important skills to their family. They hold highly their relationships and if anyone messes with anyone in the clan… they better watch their back ;)

Mason & Belle is NEW and is an online only brand and shopping destination (the only site out there that caters specifically to the country girl who loves fashion). Mason & Belle is a country lifestyle inspired young women’s apparel brand that reaches a specific niche by exuding a country girl’s point of view, combining fashion right style with down to earth attitude. It is strongly visual, 100% digital, a brand that speaks directly to a young country gal who identifies herself with country tastes, tones and values.

3 Life Changes That Made Me Come Alive

Jeans- ℅ Parker Smith (made for girls with curves, thank you very much!), Shirt- Asos, 

Shoes- Jessica Simpson (similar), photos- Mallory Fraughton

 I am joining The Skinny Dip Society on an incredible blog tour.

20 women. 20 days. 20 ways to Feed Your Soul. Free Your Body. Love Your Life.

after you read my post, click here to see the lineup

Today I am going to share with you some struggles I have gone through, and how I learned to overcome them. Everyone's situation is different, and there is not an exact formula that magically changes lives, nor is there a perfect fit for each of us who are very different from each other. But, I believe, that when applied in each of your own and unique situations, that these three components of change will help you come alive, just as they helped me. 

3 Life Changes That Made Me Come Alive:

Change of perception- I had very low self esteem for a very long period of time. I internalized things, always jumped to the worst case scenario, and never saw my value or contribution to the world around me. This made me feel deflated. At one point in my life, I went through several months strung together of an awful depression. To those of you who experience this every day, my heart goes out to you. It was numbing and I often made the choice to stay in bed a little longer or be alone more often because I didn't want to deal with things. I didn't think that I could overcome them because I didn't know I was capable of doing so, and my perception was very negative. Often times, depression is caused by a chemical imbalance that you can not control. I crawled out of mine, but I learned that even if there are things you can't control, you can control you. When you change your thoughts, the way you see yourself, and the way you view your relationships with the people around you, more positivity naturally spills into your life. It's hard to feel like you're in a life worth living if you hate the person that you are. But you are the only one who can control the perception you have on yourself. I had my family all write me a letter, letting me know what they loved about me. And then I decided that I would love those things, too, and focus on getting even better at them. When I gave myself credit, acknowledged compliments from other people, and focused on reaching goal, my perception of life and myself started to change. No one knew I had those few months of what I refer to as my personal hell, only those that were close to me helped me go through it. Retraining my thoughts allowed me to come alive.

Spiritual Change- A miraculous thing happens when you start to learn who YOU are, and who God is. I'm talking about deep down, buried inside, the person who you are capable of becoming, you. Take away the many titles you have everyday, take away labels and thoughts and situations that have shaped you. Without all of those things, Who Are You? I didn't know who I was. And it's very hard to live when you don't know who you are. I prayed a lot, and I learned more about who God is. Not just reading stories about Him and Jesus Christ, but really studying, searching how they feel about us, and coming up with the conclusion that they must love me a whole, awful lot. And when I prayed and asked if this was true, I knew without a doubt that it was. When you learn who God is, and how to talk to Him, trust in Him, and be guided by Him, you change. You also become more humble and start to feel within you, who you are and what you can become.


Physical Change- Inward confidence affects your outward confidence, and visa-versa. However, a lack of one can not be made up for by the other. As I began to feel good on the inside, it was important that I felt good on the outside too. Living a healthy lifestyle, treating my body right, and letting my inner beauty shine through became important to me. I became not so obsessed with looking perfect or being skinny enough, and paid more attention to what my body was telling me, how it felt, and doing things to take care of it. Getting enough sleep, exercising, eating right… there's a reason why these are fundamental life principles and it's because they work.

All of these life struggles are a lifelong battle. The work never ends and our progression never stops. But making these changes has given me a life of excitement, fulfillment, love for myself and others, and an outlook that gives my every day meaning. Start somewhere, make a change, and take steps forward.

To keep up with the 20 day blog tour of inspirational women, click here tomorrow for the next post.

The Lady at Lunch

Dress- Asos (on sale!), Purse- Kate Spade, Necklace- The Shine Project

hair/makeup- Harley Chapman

Pictures- Mallory Fraughton

I've been trying to be more aware of my surroundings. Mostly, of the other people that are in them.

It's a novel idea, really, to pay attention to other people than just ourself as we hurry and scuffle throughout our days. Somedays I'm awful at this, and then I usually feel kind of awful about myself because I get too caught up in my own problems and life and whatever. 

I took the kids to lunch after a long day of errands this week. It was sort of my peace offering to them. Here's a cookie, thanks for being so good while we ran around the moon today.

The line for our food was long, I was impatient and danggit I wore the shoes that I always tell myself not to wear again because after a while they hurt so bad that I look like something is seriously wrong with me while I try to walk in them. It was loud in there, too, which I always hate and crowded places aren't my favorite places to be. I was very much consumed with just wanting to get our food and leave.

A lady was in line behind me, the only one who seemed to be there alone. She had on a uniform which I quickly recognized to be a uniform of the armed forces. Her hair was pulled back tightly, and she had on combat boots. She must be a brave one, I need to thank her for her service.

I kept having that thought repeat itself during the reminder of the 15 minutes in line.

For some reason, I chickened out. I made the excuse that I didn't want to embarrass her, or I didn't want her to think I was weird, or… or… or…

Nothing of substance gave me a valid excuse to not credit her value, but for some reason I got timid. This usually doesn't happen to me. I had the thought to pay for her lunch, but kept rejecting it too.

When it was time to pay for our food, it was like a magnetic force pulled me back to this woman.

I found myself turned around, face to face with her.

Can I see your tab? I asked.

Oh, sure! She answered, confused what the crazy blonde lady was doing.

I am paying for your lunch today. Thank you for your service to me and our country.

Quiet.

Tears.

You don't have to do that, she said.

I know, but I want to. You deserve it.

Then she said it. The sentence that will play in my head for the rest of my life when I doubt helping someone else again. She told me her story.

This couldn't have come at a better time. My husband is serving in Guam and I dropped off our son at Kindergarden for the first time today. I've been feeling quite sad and very lonely.

I hugged her. 

I've learned that we will never know other people's stories, and we don't need too… we just need to let them know that we are there and they are appreciated. People are put into our paths every single day. Many of which, I believe, are placed there because we have something that can help them. Or, they have something that can help us. Connecting with each other brings purpose.

I had a great rest of my day because I was so filled up by that experience.

And I am grateful I didn't let it pass me by.

No Guilt Should Ever Come From Being Happy.

dress- Asos (on sale!) Sandals- Piperlime (similar here and here) Purse- ℅ Olivia and Joy, 

Bracelets- The Shine Project

photos by Mallory Fraughton

makeup by Harley Chapman

I just got off the phone with my mom, and our conversation sounded a little bit like this:

"Mom, I feel like I'm coming out of one of the hardest summers ever, and right now things just feel so good… Almost too good… In fact, the best they've been for quite a while…"

"Okay, so what the problem?"

"Well that's exactly the problem. Things are so good right now that I'm having anxiety that this won't last long and I'm only getting relief before something incredibly awful happens."

In her one of a kind, mom-like way she basically said:

"Get over yourself. Good things happen and it's not fair to discredit them or God for giving them to you. It's also not fair to think ahead and plan for the worst. We live in a society where nothing is ever enough and people are always looking ten steps forward while missing out on right now. Life happens, and you have to roll with it, but don't trap yourself in not being happy in the moment."

I really am a positive person. I am happy and have a pretty balanced life for the most part. I've had trials that I've had to learn to overcome, but at the end of the day I am very blessed and optimistic. I can't pin point when it started, but I will say that in the past year, I have become fearful of what bad thing will happen next. Actually, I take that back… I can pin point when it started. It was when the kids entered our lives and my heart and feelings inside grew to spaces I never knew existed or that even needed more growth. Sometimes, when you have more to loose, the fear of loosing it is very overwhelming.

I'll give you a petty example of what I mean. A year and a half ago we bought our perfect little home in downtown Phoenix, in an area I had dreamed of living in. We had worked hard to save our money for this place, and were excited for a new chapter. This new chapter eventually brought Zoe and Shiloh to us, a new office for Threads, an amazing job change for Mike, and several other incredible blessings. I never pictured that later in the year, our entire bathroom ceiling would collapse, three of our other rooms would be on the verge of collapse, our air would go out in the middle of 115 degree summer over 10 times leaving us without a place to live, and that an intruder would break in through Zoe's bedroom window one night. This intrusion gave me intense anxiety until we moved out of the house 8 months later. 

Obviously, most of the circumstances listed above are temporal and in the long run don't really matter. AND in every situation we were being protected so that no physical harm ever came to us. But everything we face in life impacts the way we face things in the future. That house situation is a very small peek into my life, and the past year I have dealt with very hard family and work related situations that I have felt very incapable of being able to know how to handle and deal with. In my life, there have been moments where I know nothing else to do other than sit and pray and cry.

And then things get better.

But this pattern of good and bad, I have noticed today, has gotten me in a very bad pattern of over anticipating what is going to go wrong next when everything seems to be going right. It's a horrible attitude. One that discredits blessings from God and moments that deserve nothing but joy, happiness, and gratitude. I'm sure many of you have this problem, too.

Today when I realized that my thoughts and feelings towards my current opportunities and situation in life was completely off target, I sat and I prayed. Part of my prayer went something along the lines of,

...Please take this fear out of my heart, and replace it with faith. Faith that even when things get hard, that you will be there to guide me, and a knowledge that no matter what happens, it will be okay. I don't want to live my life ungrateful about any of my circumstances, and I just need peace and assurance that you'll always be there…

And the peace came.

Just like my mom said, you have to roll with life. Crap happens, a lot. It's life.

But good things happen too, a lot. Because it is life, and we actually are here to be happy.

The nature of my work and life puts me in a lot of other peoples lives who deal with really, really, really extreme and hard situations. I take these burdens on most of the time, so when I feel relief from them, it's a weird and uplifting feeling. Instead of anticipating when things will be getting bad again, life is best lived when living happily in the moment, taking things as they come, and knowing that no matter what, God is on your side.

The reason I share this with you today is because I know that somewhere out there, several of you are currently experiencing these types of feelings too. And I wanted to let you know that you're not crazy ;)

But mostly, I wanted to let you know that you deserve to be happy.

And no guilt should ever come from being happy.