photo by Tell The Birds
Dear Nikki,
I get it, I've been there. I've stuck around when it was obvious my feelings were way deeper than his. I've put up with being treated less than mediocre because I just wanted it so badly. I've made excuses and convinced myself that the relationships I allowed myself to be in were normal and that they would eventually change. At one season in my life, l fell in love with the idea of him loving me…it seemed perfect. Except for the fact that it wasn't, and what I wanted was never going to happen. I get it.
The world watched awkwardly as the man you love with your whole heart could show no feelings or deep emotion for you. I felt bad for you. You reminded me of me. The "me" that I finally took control over and realized that I deserved so much better than I ever gave myself credit for. The "me" that would fight to be wanted, all the while discrediting who I was as a woman, and forgetting that I shouldn't have to fight for a man to want to be with me. I wanted to yell to you through the t.v…
RUN.
Run away as fast as you can.
You will run looking over your shoulder, hoping that he will chase you, but he won't. It will be hard for a while and you will probably consider going back and waiting for him to love you.
But he never will. Not in the way that you want or deserve him to. Not in a way that builds you up and makes you see yourself better than you ever have, and not in a way that you feel like the most loved and valuable human being on the planet.
And that's how you should feel. Because when you give your whole heart to someone who doesn't give it back you will never win. You will never feel full and you will spend your whole life wondering what is wrong with you, and what you need to change so that he will love you.
You need to change nothing. You deserve a man who will shout from the roof tops that he loves YOU. He won't want to keep it private, or a secret, or keep you wondering how he feels about you. That kind of love exists, you just can't give up on it. And you can't settle for a man who will never love a woman more than he loves himself.
Get out of there while you can. Trust me, it will work out.
And you'll be glad you left.
Shine on,
Ashley
16 comments:
Amen to that ! Thanks for sharing!
Exactly what I was thinking! Great post. I felt so sad for that girl! She kept looking down and she just looked so emotionally brainwashed- was so sad to see. :( I hope she runs soon.
Thank you for writing this. I felt the same way watching the episode, and more importantly, it reminded me of myself. xox
Yes...just yes.
Oh my goodness this is exactly how I was feeling for her last night!! It was painful to watch and she just sat there with this awkward smile on her face and trying to defend him to no avail! I just wanted to grab her and yell RUN FAR AWAY, FAST!!
I'm so glad you wrote this. I was DYING as I watched the TV last night... HOW COULD SHE STAY WITH HIM!? If not for the way he treated her and his inability to express his feelings (if he even has any)but for what she saw these past 4 months as she watched the episodes. I know love and infatuation cloud peoples judgement, but I feel like seeing it on TV would help you make the right choice! I feel bad for her. I hope she gets out of that relationship as fast as she can!
**Side note.... Why did The Bachelor give someone like Jaun Pablo their own show?? Don't they do interviews to figure out who is there for the right reasons?
So true. I think we have all been there, in this kind of relationship. I was in one like this for 5 years, just wanting him to love me SO BAD. One day I woke up. I think most women do, unless they don't. Or it is in 30 years when they realize they've wasted a life and a marriage with someone like this. I do feel bad for her, BUT I do question her motives as well. I'm not entirely sure that she "loves him" as much as she loves the spotlight, the 15 minutes of fame. It obviously won't work out, but I wonder how much longer the charade will go on for the sake of TV...
I don't know what show you're referencing but this post is perfection for my life right now. It's so comforting to know that there are others that have been through what I went through and to have encouraging words when all I want is to be with someone who doesn't love me in the way that I love him.
Thank you.
Definitely true. Everything about that finale was crazy. I wrote a post about it, too, but I like how you did it :)
ashleynicoleholmes.blogspot.com
I too have experienced that type of relationship. Nikki, run away. It will only end in heart break (yours). Men like this are not capable of deep love, only physical attraction. His daughter will always be his first love and you will always be considered after her needs.
Every girl/woman should read this. Thanks for writing this!
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