Be The Unexpected

I've been antsy lately to find a way to be more mindful of going out of my way to bless someone else during the day. I decided that it could be a great way to have ALL of us be more mindful of other people throughout our busy schedules, and that if we each did one thing a week together we could really make an impact. Last week on our Instagram @theshineproject we announced our new weekly Shine Drop Challenge.

Every week, a new pay it forward challenge will be announced on our Instagram, and it will be something that we all can do in our different communities. You'll use the hashtag #theshineproject #shinedrop on Instagram and upload a picture of your completed task. I believe that when a lot of people come together for one purpose, more good gets done. It's so fun to go through and see what everyone does to brighten the peoples lives around them.

This week, the challenge is to leave a fun note, and some extra change ON TOP of a meter for the next person to come and use. Don't actually put the money in the meter, but keep it on top for the next person to find (in some states it's illegal to actually put the money INTO the meter).

I have a goal to be an unexpected positive aspect of someone's day, every day.

On Friday I got home from what was an incredibly long day, and I was overwhelmed and tired.

I opened my mail box to find the sweetest note and gift card from a friend. 

It gave me the boost I needed and reminded me that I'm not alone.

Let's change people's lives.

Get goin' on your shine drops!

The Art Of Being Happy in a World That's Not

                                  Dress- LuLaRoe by Karlie (she always has new styles to grab)

Photography by: Eunice

I don't want the title of this post to deceive you. It's 11:25 in the morning, the day is not even close to being over, and I've already had a handful of events that have caused some internal anxiety. In fact, last night my husband was getting tired and said let's go to bed. I turned to him abruptly and exclaimed, "No! I can not face that right now! Going to bed means having to wake up tomorrow morning to start the craziness all over again, and I am just not ready to do that right now. Right now, I just need to sit here, and have you rub my feet and do nothing!" So, my good husband did just that because he knows when I am in a mood not to contest anything even if I am not saying rash things. My feet were rubbed and I sat for a while longer and then said, "Okay, I am now ready for bed."

I needed to throw out that behind the scenes visual because I don't want to trick you and make you think that I inhale sunshine and sparkles and confetti every morning for breakfast and then blow it out throughout the day, prancing around like I'm at Disneyland without a care in the world. 

One time, actually a couple of years ago, a not so happy anonymous reader emailed me and said,

"STOP BLOWING SUNSHINE OUT OF YOUR A**!!!"

I couldn't figure out what they were referring to, maybe that I think everything should be perfect all of the time? Because obviously the person offended hadn't ever fully read anything I write about how I am disheveled and burn every dinner ever and cry from time to time about the sad things I see everyday in the lives of people I love, and the list goes on. And then I thought how cool it would be if I could actually blow sunshine....

I've learned something over the years.

People want to be happy, I want to be happy. But sometimes it feels really hard to be. It's hard because of pain and suffering, it's hard because of actions of others beyond our control, it's hard because of injustice and loss and difficult trials not making sense in our minds that can't always comprehend the bigger picture of life. It's hard because of jealousy and envy and gossip and backstabbing and evilness and being pulled in ten directions at the same time.

And in my struggle with trying to make sense of what happiness should look like, I met a woman.

This woman had nothing in the eyes of the world. She lived in government subsidized housing, couldn't go grocery shopping if her food stamps ran out, lost the love of her life decades before, and was at the mercy of others to get her places that she needed to go because she could not drive. 

This woman is one of the happiest people that I have ever met. Because despite her outside circumstances, she chose to be happy on the inside. She chose to be grateful and loving and spent her time serving and uplifting people around her.

I do not claim that I have all of the answers, 

but here is what I have learned about the art of being happy:

- When you are sad, and feel like there is no way to climb out of it, choose to get up and go serve someone else. It is almost impossible to feel unhappy when you are loving and giving to someone who needs it more than you. The art of happiness lies in sharing it with other people. If we worry too much about ourselves, we miss the point of where genuine happiness actually comes from. It's the times where we feel the the worst that we need to go and muster out our best for other people. You'll gripe and moan at first, but when it's over, I promise that you're heart will be full of all those things that you were searching to find all day.

- A lot of people are unhappy, so they will try to make you feel bad about your own happiness. This comes in the form of jealousy of your accomplishments, or trying to stomp your positive attitude down, or gossiping about you... or anything that they can do to make you as miserable as they are.

I have learned a lot of things from these type of people. The first one is that they need love too. I know, it's hard and one time I actually wanted to punch someone square in the face for something that they said to me. Knock on wood but I haven't actually done that to anyone... yet ;) There's a reason they are unhappy, sometimes it goes deep and we have no idea the battles they  have fought and how hard it is for them to just keep on marching. So remember that, and find it in yourself not only to love them, but to let them know that you love them. Another thing I have learned is that no matter what you do, there will always be a critic to say something about it. Laugh it off, brush it off, or as my girl Taylor says... "Shake it off". Sometimes that's the only answer... run away from the negativity and don't give it anymore attention than it's already taken from you. The art of being happy lies in loving and shaking things off.

-You can't save the whole world, but you can sure have a drastic affect on the lives of those around you. Like I said in the beginning, I was feeling a little down and out this morning. Then out of nowhere, I got a message from someone I met years ago saying how something I did back then has now helped play a role in her daughters life, and she thanked me. When we live in a world where children are starving and abuse is rampant and every bad thing exists, it's very easy to be weighed down by the fact that we alone can't change everything. The art of being happy in an unhappy world lies in understanding that it's not your responsibility or ability change it all, but that you can have a positive influence in the sphere of people around you.

- Someone once told me something that I have never forgotten. Which is a big deal because I honestly can't remember what I ate for lunch yesterday.... In fact... I don't know if I remembered to eat anything for lunch yesterday... They said to me, "Ashley, there is no room for unhappiness in a grateful heart." The art of being happy lies in being grateful for the things you have and the experiences that you go through. A couple of years ago I was getting ready one morning and really frustrated with how "bad" my hair looked. I went on Instagram, and happened to see a post of a girl who I had recently met who was diagnosed with cancer. In her picture, she had no hair. My perspective of my so called bad hair day changed, and I became grateful for what I had. Finding gratitude can happen by changing our perceptions of our lives, and focusing on the good that we have in them. 

Be happy. Love those who aren't. And find something every day to be grateful for. 

4 Ways to Improve Your Relationship in 2015

At midnight you ran over to your honey, smooched him good, and rang in the new year.

Some of you smooched him better than the others, while the rest gave an obligatory kiss.

When you're in a relationship for a while, sometimes things to get in the same  routine, and unknowingly we put less effort into our relationship that matters the most.

Here are 4 Ways to Improve Your Relationship in 2015:

1- Go to bed at the same time: Just this morning, Mike rolled over in bed and said, "You know what my favorite thing is? Going to bed at the same time together." For us, going to bed at the same time has led to better nightly prayer together, late night conversations, and the unity of ending your day with each other. This is something we were counciled to do before we tied the knot, and is something that we have tried hard to see through.

2- Have nightly activities you do together: Our kids go to bed at seven. Which means that unless we want a babysitter every night, we are house bound for the rest of the night. Sometimes I get stir crazy because I can never sit still. Instead of turning on the tv, surfing pinterest or checking Instagram for hours, do something meaningful together. My husband bought a bunch of two person games we play together. You guys, it's actually embarrassing how many hours a week we play Scrabble. But it is so fun, and has become our thing. Put wagers on the games you play, it makes them more interesting :)

I also bought myself a book for Christmas and gave it to Mike to give to me. Ha. Its called You, me, us. You fill it out every night together and its really fun and cute. Having something to do together when the kids are in bed creates important bonding time that helps you remember just how fun your spouse or significant other is.

3- Go on dates: Get ready. Put on your little black dress. Go to a nice restaurant, or make a picnic, and get out of the house and DATE EACH OTHER. Just like you did in the beginning stages of your relationship, the wooing needs to continue.

4- Text each other cute messages through out the day- This is sappy, it's fine. The other week Mike sent me the sweetest message while I was at work and I literally caught myself grinning from ear to ear. Let your love know why you love them. What did they do that day that you appreciate? Tell them. Remind them why they are so dang awesome. 

Love is a great thing. Sometimes we forget and it feels like a chore.

Keep it fresh and alive by not allowing it to become something mundane. 

This Is My Year.

photos by Tell The Birds

Shirt- The Shine Project

use code "myyear" for 10% off through the weekend!!!

I'm sitting in my yoga pants on the rainiest day Phoenix has had all season. 

For some reason, almost every year it's warm except for on New Year's Eve and everyone gets stressed out because we're not used to it being below 60 degrees and we're definitely not used to moisture.

It's not anticipated, and it's not expected and the city is on the phone with each other asking 

"NOW what are we going to do tonight?!"

I think that's why everyone likes the idea of a New Year so much. We get to look back on the times it has stormed on our parade throughout the year, get a good laugh because enough time has passed from the initial sting of things, and realize what a blessing all of our trials were because of where we are now.

In 2014 I almost gave up several times. Or, I felt like giving up, but in my heart of hearts knew that I actually wouldn't. 2014 was a tremendous trial and error. It was full of blessings of learning, loss, anxiety and triumph. 2014 set me up for this coming year. Because 2015 is my year. 

It's your year, too. Because we've been prepared for it and can handle trials and set backs better than we used to. It's our year because our path has led us here, and we're about to let ourselves loose.

But there were times where my course and path seemed up in the air.

Here are 5 times I almost gave up in 2014:

Near the beginning of the summer, literally every, single, thing that could fall into place in my life and my business did. My sister worked for me full time during it all, and I remember calling her one day crying saying, "I feel like I'm in a dream. This is all too good to be true, how could everything possibly be this perfect right now?! I hate to say it but I'm actually nervous that it's about to all crash down because this kind of stuff just doesn't happen all at once."

I soon learned that my nervousness was real. I was being prepared for one of the hardest next few months I have ever faced in my life. These months ended up teaching me how strong I am, what my potential is, and how aware God is of me.

1- There was a week this past year that my family and I were all on a work trip together, but also had a major family situation going on that was out of our control. It was a time that had been prayed about for months, counseled on by people who I needed for help, and was a very high anxiety time for all of us. 

Early one morning I woke up in my hotel bed and I couldn't breathe. I emotionally was so stressed, anxious, and upset that physically it was inflicting some of the most pain on me that I have ever felt. For the next few hours I struggled for breathes of air, while my heart burned in a way that it got to a point where I thought I was dying from a heart attack. I've never been consumed by so much fear, and physical and emotional pain as I was in that moment. It was literally destroying me.

The firefighters got to our hotel room, and after a series of tests told me that all my vitals were normal.

How could they be normal. I feel like I am going to die at any moment.

On the way out one of them looked at me and said, 

Have you been under extreme stress lately? I think you're having an anxiety attack.

And so it was. My body couldn't handle the emotional turmoil I was inflicting on myself and it was something that I couldn't control. After that I struggled with figuring out if I can be the type of mom I need to be, run a business, and have the type of crazy life that we do. 

The struggle lasted a very, very long time.

But here I am, and my fear didn't win.

2- We had been talking for several months about partnering with someone and were making plans to have outside help to make The Shine Project explode this coming year. We spent a lot of time on planning and getting things together for something we thought was a good fit at the time.

Long story short, it wasn't a good fit. At the end of the summer I was left to hurry and plan our holiday, try to scrounge up a new website, and figure out the beginning of what 2015 was going to look like for us. One night I got home late and told my husband that I don't think I could work this hard anymore, that I was tired and wondered if it was worth it. He reminded me of why I do this.

I decided to keep pushing through, and a couple months later we had the best holiday season we could have ever anticipated, providing us with what we need to make 2015 the best year yet.

3- For the first half of the year we put most of our time and resources in to a summer of doing custom sorority events and sales. I flew around the country during the summer selling at sorority events, and at one time was gone for 45 days with only a day or two at home during that time. It was tiring, and we were counting on a very high volume of sales. Well, we over projected. During one of the trips was when I had my anxiety attack and I couldn't even work the show, my husband had to. Because the product was custom for the sorority we were selling to, if things didn't sell, we were then left with a lot of product that we paid for. I invision taking a huge wad of cash and flushing it down the toilet crying as you say goodbye. That's what the sorority tour felt like. We did okay, but not good enough to have that be the major thing we focused and planned for all year. I was devastated, I was tired, and I was so frustrated that I didn't know what I was willing to keep sacrificing to keep The Shine Project going.

Since all of my major set backs last year happened in the same time frame, there were moments where I felt like I was going to be consumed by the hurricane of life and I didn't know how to climb out of it.

My little fight in my wouldn't quite. Every time I wanted to, I knew that I actually would never stop pursuing my dreams and goals of what type of company I want to own. 

This has led me to where I am right now.

In my yoga pants.

Excited for 2015.

Excited for the failures I saw last year and the major success that over powered it all.

For the times of learning and growth that made me realize life is just hard. It doesn't matter what you do, it's hard for everyone and sometimes when things are beyond your control you can really feel overpowered. You'll have your moment, and then all will be right with the world again. 

I've learned in 2014. I'm stronger, and I'm trying to be better.

#thisismyyear

Join our community on Instagram and tag #theshineproject #thisismyyear so we can see what you've overcome and what you're going to accomplish in these next 12 months. 

2015 has been waiting for you.

How To Escape When You Feel Like You Can't

Shirt and Vest- ℅ Red 23 Clothing , Purse- ℅ Windsor

Let me paint a picture for you. Yours might be similar, but the details are just filled in with events that pertain to your particular season in life.

Reading emails to find that a large order for your company falls through, another company you worked with is trying to take advantage and pay you less than agreed on, you realize you have a couple hours to meet a really important deadline, ah, crap but you have a church event you are partially in charge of in just a couple of hours…

texts go off: is this person seriously telling me this right now? Oh my gosh I'm going to have anxiety if one more thing…

phone rings.

more emails come.

what are you feeding your kids for dinner? 

oh man, have I even eaten yet today?

My sons birthday party is in 3 days, and we're having a Halloween party the night before. WHY did I ever think that was a good idea?

more emails come in: aghhh, I forgot I'm leaving town next weekend.

and every weekend in November for work.

but we have so much to do… I'm not ready…

Okay, I just let you in on merely the past TEN MINUTES inside of my life/head.

I'm getting better at handling these types of instant life attacks, but don't always confront them with suave. I refer to them as life attacks because dang it, sometimes too much life happens way too fast and at the same time and who in the world knew that suddenly 10 things could go wrong at the drop of a hat? And in these moments, all I want to do is escape. I want to crawl under the storage space beneath my stairs or hop on a plane to Hawaii or turn everything off and pet my dog until my husband comes home with ice cream and a new outfit for me and tells me he'll fix all my problems.

But this is real life.

And a life attack is in the process of happening.

So none of those things are feasible or sane to do at the moment.

So here are a couple of the ways I escape the sanity for just a moment, until I am able to relax and continue saving everything in my little world from exploding:

1- Shut off your phone, turn everything off for a moment, and be still. There's a special thing that Buddhists do to live happy lives. They become very in touch with everything thats happening around them. They take in colors, focus on smells, listen to the airplane above or the lawn mower outside. Everything becomes a soothing experience because they use their surroundings to calmly experience life. This has been my number one go to method to escaping my stress, even if its just for a moment. Somedays, when I try extra hard to pay attention to everything around me, stressful moments will happen but I don't feel them as intensely because I've been careful to not get too distracted throughout the day. When you drive, look at the colors, letters, and cars that surround you. When you eat, soak up the colors, the smells, the action that you are doing. You might think I'm crazy, and I am in a lot of ways ;), but try this. It has helped tremendously.

2- Start a "locked away" email folder or note box. Have you just received a horrible phone call, text or email? Do you want to just tell the other person off and are so irate you don't even know what to do with yourself? I think that's my least favorite feeling…ever. Release your anger. Get everything out that you could possibly say. Write it down, allow yourself to go through the process of being upset. Address that letter to them, and then lock it in a box under your bed, never to be opened again. Sometimes you just need to unwind by expressing your most candid feelings, but a lot of times those feelings would destroy relationships if said too harshly. So, write it down, and lock it away.

3- Read an email, article, scripture, old text message, etc, that you know will brings you peace, happiness, and remind you as to why you do what you do. Read an old note from someone who you have positively impacted, go look at art your child has made at school, or focus on what you've done recently that has been of benefit to someone else. See, you're not so bad.

4- Pray. Ask God for peace. Ask Him how you can best handle your situation. Ask Him for more strength, more patience, more faith, and help. He'll give it to you.

And then, get back to doing the work that you were made to do.

You can do it.

Promise.

The Tooth Fairy Isn't Perfect

Shirt- ℅ Red 23 Clothing, Boots- ℅ Windsor, Jeans- ℅ Dittos

5 days ago I pulled Zoe's wiggly tooth out of her mouth.

"Wow mom, great job! That didn't even hurt! All I heard was a little click noise and now the tooth fairy gets to come. Hurry, I need a bag so I can go put my tooth under my pillow!"

The excitement she had for the tooth fairy needed to be bottled up in a jar, so I could pour it out on myself whenever I feel low. The girl lit up and pranced around the house. Her magical hope that the tooth fairy would come that night was endearing, and I couldn't wait to put that money under her pillow and hear about it the next morning.

Except something happened, I was exhausted that night and we went to bed late… 

and the tooth fairy forgot. 

Zoe woke up in the morning, and I imagine she giggled as she looked under her pillow.

Unfortunately all she found was her rotten old tooth.

I assured her the tooth fairy would come the next night, and probably missed us because we were up late watching Charlie Brown's Halloween Special. Zoe agreed that must be what happened, and was thrilled to know she would still come.

Except something happened again.

I don't know what happened this time, other than the fact I have too much going on.

But the tooth fairy forgot. AGAIN.

And this time when Zoe woke up, she was so mad that she tried to just go back to sleep and miss out on the whole day all together, because the fairy just wasn't being fair!

We talked our way through it, and Zoe built her excitement back up in hopes Miss Fairy would

drop by soon.

We went to bed that night, and by the grace of God, I woke up from a dead sleep at 4 AM, realizing that the tooth fairy almost forgot about Zoe's tooth for the THIRD night in a row. I stumbled down the stairs, rummaging for money, and decided that the tooth fairy owed Zoe double the going tooth rate because of her lack of ability to show up on time.

When Zoe woke up, she was ecstatic. She had enough money to buy a new princess water bottle, and all was well in the world. The tooth fairy remembered her, after all.

I know, I'm horrible. I'm trying my best I promise. It got me thinking of all the little kids in the world, who put so much love and magic and mystery into the tooth fairy..

who really…

is created out of imperfect moms and dads across the world.

These moms and dads sometimes lie, or cheat, or make really bad decisions, 

they don't live up to promises,  they gossip, pass judgements, and forget what's important in life.

These tooth fairies curse and watch things they shouldn't, repeat bad jokes and get jealous of their neighbors. Sometimes they try to be better, other times they want to give up.

All the while, the trust of our tiny, naive babies are put fully into us.

Their full and all giving hearts are poured into ours, believing that we will protect, and care for, and always love them forever and ever. They don't see the imperfect sides of us, and if they do, they are quick to forgive. They are loyal, loving, trusting, and dependent. 

We need them, so that we can become better.

So that we can become how they see us.

Inside all of the people in this world, 

the ones who have offended us,

or who we think are bad, and mean, and rude

or who we do not want to forgive,

is a tooth fairy.

And behind every tooth fairy, is a child who thinks that life has a touch of magic to it.

Let's not take it away.

I'm putting on my tooth fairy glasses this week, to focus more on the magic inside all of us, and less on the faults that we all have. 

Our Marriage Isn't 50/50

Last week I saw a Facebook status update from my sister-in-law, which pretty much summed up everything I've ever felt about marriage, but in a way that I didn't know how to say it. It was like all of the things I've disagreed with that I've heard people tell me about marriage finally had a clear message to back my stance on things. It was simple, it was true, and it has had me thinking all week:

Marriage isn't 50/50. It's 100/100.

Amen, amen, amen… a thousand times.

I could probably just stop writing right now and you all would plow this over in your minds and teach yourselves better than anything that will come from me tonight. But, since I like to type, I'll continue.

Marriage isn't 50/50. Well, at least it shouldn't be. There's no magical marriage saw that can cut things perfectly even and sliced. Marriage doesn't come with a chore chart that awards you with gold star stickers, checking off every time you fulfill a responsibility. And there sure as heck shouldn't be a score board sitting obnoxiously about your fireplace, racking up points for you when you do something better than your significant other, or spend more time cleaning, or making more money, or whatever. If this is what a companionship is based off of, it will be a very long, hard road, that will most likely split or drop off at some point. And one person will always feel less than the other, while the other will always feel like they are doing the majority of the work.

Doing something 50/50 means you're only doing half of what you should and could be doing. It means you're only loving, serving, giving, and pouring half of what is inside of you. It means that at the end of the day, both you and your spouse are left half empty, because you only made each other half full. 

There's a story I heard years ago that I often think about. The story of the Oxen. You got me, I know nothing about Oxen, I've never lived on a farm (and never want to because I would accidentally kill every living thing on it), and am a city girl. But this story about the Oxen makes me connect with them, and I know it's not supposed to be capitalized but I feel like they deserve an upper case right now. Those Oxen.

Ox have a yoke than is placed on pairs of two when they are working. The yoke is a wood beam that allows the Oxen to be paired together, and equally pull whatever load they are carrying. It is attached to chains, usually, that are strapped to whatever it is that needs to be pulled. While moving forward together, the Oxen are able to carry heavier weight than they could ever pull alone. It's the perfect set up for them to accomplish more work. But here's the catch. Both of the animals have to give 100 percent. This isn't a 50% effort type of scenario. If one ox is only doing 50% while the other one is giving 100%, both them and the load they are carrying will start to go around in circles. Whatever Ox is pulling harder, everything attached to it will have to follow, creating circles and frustration, and really, really tired Oxen who have done nothing but create more work and pain for themselves.

If you feel like you're in a marriage, relationship… or anything with another person that isn't going anywhere, it's because you are in a 50/50 relationship. And you're not going anywhere because you're both running around in circles and you probably haven't realized why. And that's okay, because now, you have the chance to give 100% of yourself tomorrow. Somedays I can't give a normal 100%. Somedays my 100 is less than usual because I'm tired, or sick, or have so much work and craziness swirling around me that I can't possibly give another percentage of myself because physically it's impossible. So, my husband makes up for my slack. Somedays, I do the same for him. Because to give the same amount of gusto to every day and every moment is inhuman, not possible, and creates unrealistic expectations. We understand that about each other. Which is why marriage is so great. You are meant to work towards things together, and communicate when you need a little extra help.

However, you can choose to give 100, every day, knowing that somedays will be better than others. In a companionship that is a true partnership, you work together so that 100% is reached, and your yolk is even, and together you keep pulling forward. I'm a mom. I have my own company. I work constantly. I have church obligations. I have a non profit. I have a crazy life that I'm not really too sure how I ended up lucky enough to be in. By the way, I am unfit for any of these roles and am mightily trying my best. I ask for forgiveness half of the time, and the other half I'm making it up as I go along.  Having stereotypical 50/50 expectations would destroy our family. We both sacrifice, we both pick up the slack where needed, and we both do a lot of stuff that we wish we didn't have to. 

I'm horrible at waking up early. Totally horrible. I don't sleep at night, I usually work late, and my mind never turns off. For me, waking up at 6:30 AM is like the ultimate death sentence. And it is for everyone around me too because I can be a momster (monster)… (I think Mike also knows this which factors into our arrangement). Mike wakes up early and gets the kids ready for school every morning. Every single morning! He takes them, and I pick them up, or pick them up from my angelic moms house on the days I work later. His 100 in the morning is better than my 100, so we compromise so that we can put our best feet forward doing the things that we're good at.

When you give 100, you get 100. 

When your load if heavy, pull together.

When it is light, pull together.

Keep pulling forward, and together, you will get to where you need to be.

But it has to be 100/100.

And to all of you single parents out there who have to give 200%… my praise goes to you… because you are the gems of this earth.

Business Topics: 5 Signs You're On The Right Path

outfit- ℅ Windsor Store

A couple of weeks ago I posted 5 Sacrifices Every Business Owner Has Made. 

I was surprised at the amount of you there are who either are currently running your own business, or have dreams of doing so. Good for you! On Thursdays, I'll be choosing business topics to discuss here, so feel free to leave any questions you have below. Many of you have questions on how and where to start, and concerns along that nature. I'm not going to answer that question specifically today, but I want to talk about some signs that you need to look for to help give you confidence that you are on the right path. Some of these might seem obvious, but you'd be shocked of how many people I have met that don't follow these. Here are:

  6 Signs You're On The Right Path

1- Your product/services are selling: I know, DUH… right? Except for the fact that I've worked with and met a lot of people who have been trying to sell the same product for a long time and it's just not working. They think it has to do with everything else but them. When you put your heart and soul into your business, it is very hard to admit when something isn't work. It makes you feel like you've failed. But I have news for you… what if instead of beating a dead bush, you put your ideas into a new product and gave that a chance? Most companies don't become successful with their first product. If your product/services are selling you know you're on the right path. When you reach new markets and customers, and they understand what you're doing and want to be a part of it… keep on going! Sometimes you'll add new services in, only to realize that it's not doing as well as you hoped. Don't be afraid to change your path and come up with fresh ideas.

2- You're excited to work on your business: Many days are hard when running your own business. I can't tell you that it gets easier when your company grows. It never gets easier. Some days you dread having to figure things out, deal with finances, employees, and on and on and on. If this feeling never goes away for you, I would suggest that you aren't on the right path. While you'll have days of frustration, you should feel excited, enthusiastic, and optimistic about the work you are doing. If you've been in a funk that hasn't ended for a while, reevaluate what needs to happen in your life and consider switching courses.

3- You have someone close to you who supports you: Have you ever heard the term, "don't marry anyone your family and friends don't like?" Well, I feel that it can also be applied to your business. If you have a good relationship with your family and perhaps a couple very close friends, it's important to get an objective view about how they see your business. If your family is the type who only wants the best for you and is supportive and likes to see you grow, and the do not support what you're doing, figure out why. Sometimes people on the outside can see things that we put blinders on for because we're too wrapped up in a fantasy world of success. I'm not saying this is true in every situation, but often times, if you are losing people who are close to you, reconsider. Your family and friends should be the first people in line to purchase what you have to offer, not run away from it.

4- You have plans for the future: I currently am making plans for projects that are taking place in the summer of 2015. You need to make plans. If you have plans, and are looking forward to accomplishing those plans, you are on a very good road. Goals and plans are a little different, in that a plan is a goal in action. You're moving forward with things, you have deadlines you're reaching and it continues to add to the snowball of successes you've seen.

5- Other people can tell your story for you: Do people know the purpose behind your brand and mission? If they were wearing your product and someone asked them where it came from, could they tell them? How would they tell them? Would they get excited and share in detail about your company? You better hope so! Listen to the stories that other people are telling about you, your brand, and your services. If you're on the right path, you'll have others right there on your path with you.

To the girl who made me cry: I Love You.

Zoe started kindergarten a month ago. I was so excited to see her grow, but so nervous that my little shadow wouldn't be behind me every time I turned around. I knew that my days of constantly being the one right there, making sure her life was filled with good things and where I could censor what came in, would forever be changed. It's time for her to be independent and make decisions based off what she has been taught and I became frantic wanting to crash course her on everything I could possibly think of. The night before school, I gave her one of my "life lessons."  The life lesson mostly had to do with making good choices, befriending those who seemed lonely, and always trying her best even when it gets hard. She said some really smart thing, like she always does, making me remember that Zoe will teach me more throughout my life than I will ever be able to teach her. 

One of my favorite things about this little 5 year old ball of fire is how she won't talk about the people she doesn't like, only the ones that she does like. I can always tell though, when someone has been mean to her or she doesn't want to hang around someone by little hints that she drops. But she is probably the easiest person to get along with. On Friday, the second I saw Zoe after work, she said

Something happened at school today and I've been waiting to tell you.

She told me that a group of girls were mean to her. They wouldn't let her play on the "spinny thing" with them and after a while, Zoe said she went into the grass all by herself and started to cry. She didn't want anyone to see her, so she hid until she was able to stop and the whistle blew for everyone to line back up to go inside. This shocked me. Zoe doesn't cry a lot, and she usually doesn't care what other people think about her. 

I got so upset thinking about my little girl crying all by herself, and she told me that she just wanted to see me so bad at school and she didn't know what to do. I felt mad, and started scheming in my head what we would do to fix this situation. Before I could come up with anything, Zoe said,

So here's what I want to do. I am going to write her a letter. Can you help me spell out all the words? I'm hoping that the letter will make her feel good and happy inside. I'm going to put it in her cubby and maybe she'll want to get back together again with me. I'm also going to draw her a picture. She has the most beautiful long hair and I want her to know how pretty it is!

I blinked a few times.

I was caught off guard. That was way better than anything I would have told her to do, and let's be honest, it was way better than anything I would have done myself. Zoe spent an hour on the letter and drawing, and sealed it up in a pretty envelope that she drew hearts all over. Tomorrow at school, Zoe will put it in the girls cubby and I pray and pray and pray that they can "get back together again." But if they don't, I know that Zoe has learned a lesson of compassion and I am so proud of her. 

The things I have been stressed about her learning and facing are things she can handle because who she already is as a person. Her kindness blows me away. I have been thinking all weekend,

Who do I need to write that letter to?

Who in my life has hurt me, and who do I need to forgive and write and say hey, let's get together again? Am I brave enough and kind enough to be the bigger person? 

I don't know. 

But Zoe is.

And we can be, too. 

I tell myself that I can be, now the next step is to just be.

Sometimes, people who are the hardest to love, are the ones that we need to love the most.

Maybe it takes smashing our own pride, getting over embarrassment or anger that someone caused us, and allowing ourselves to let love seep in. I think that it takes as much energy to love someone as it does to hate them… maybe even less, because the energy source is positive and good and it doesn't drain and destroy you. 

Write that note tonight.

Maybe add a picture on the back.

We can all be brave together tomorrow when we leave them in their cubbies.

Answers to The Questions About Men You've Always Had.

After my last post about what every millennial needs to know about marriage, I got a lot of questions, comments and emails from people who want more relationship posts. A common theme I found was a lot of you want to hear from Mike to get a man's perspective on things. Your wish, my friends, is my command. We had Mike's coworker ask him questions that girls are sick of trying to figure out on their own.

Here's what you need to know about relationships, from a man's perspective.

Take it away, Mike!

why don't guys listen?

Wait what did you ask?  Just kidding :)  I have learned, that men, in general, are not very good at understanding what is going on around them.  A man's mind is generally able to focus on one thing and one thing only, and that one thing usually involves food or something funny... or sleeping.  Women, on the other hand, remind me a lot of Jason Bourne (I love those movies), able to know everything that is going on around them at all times.  Even if they don't know how they know everything they know, they just know it.  The advantage a man has in this situation, is that when he chooses to listen to a woman, you can pretty much guarantee he is listening to you with 100% undivided attention, because he is physically and mentally incapable of thinking of anything else, even if he tries!  Men do, however, have the ability to understand how important it is to pay attention to women when they are explaining why something is bothering them.. there is a small sensor inside a man's brain that can detect when he needs to pay attention to a woman.  And when that goes off, the man is then able to listen - it is a wondrous thing.

why do guys play games?

If a guy is playing games with you, it means he isn't ready for a serious relationship and only wants to have "fun".  Period.  Guys that play games are not interested in a relationship.... they're interested in other things I am not going to write. ;)

why do guys play dumb when girls make hints?

Guys don't play dumb, we are dumb.  This is not pretending.  We do not think we are being judged for the lead role at an audition for our school play.  We just don't understand "hints" women make.  Men are very black and white.  If you like a guy, say to him, "Hi there, I like you.  Would you like to kiss now?"  At that point, a guy will understand you are interested (hopefully).  If he still does not fully get it, he may think you are teasing him.  If he acts shy and bashful, this is your opportunity to carpe diem (seize the day) and get him.

By the same token, even after you are married, ladies, you need to make sure you are being direct if you want something.  However, you should still be sneaky about it and make the guy feel like it's his idea to take out the garbage, not yours.  Do I see the trash can is full and little Billy can't fit his paper plate in there because it's packed with last night's dinner scraps that didn't get eaten??  Yes, I see them!  Just make me think it's my idea to take them to the garbage.  And appreciate me when I do a job well done - you'll get more out of me that way. 

Are guys capable of being fully committed to just one person on all levels emotionally, physically and mentally?

Men are, although you may not agree with me, capable of being emotionally, physically and mentally committed to just one woman.  How does this happen, you may be asking yourself.  This happens, when the man realizes he is making a choice, on his own free will, to be with just one woman for the rest of his life (and beyond that if that's what you believe, as I do).  A man has to understand, that once the rings are on the fingers, that's it.  You don't "court" members of the opposite sex anymore - that time is done.  Now is the time to focus on strengthening your relationship with your spouse.  The most important thing a man can learn regarding this topic, is this: when in a healthy and loving relationship, the grass is NOT greener on the other side.  The way you keep your side having the greenest grass, is by putting each other first, always.  Living selflessly is how you keep the happiness and love alive.  A man works hard at his job and when he comes home, he is happy to see you and the kids (if applicable).  He doesn't mind doing chores and helping around the house either!  He just needs a good ole' fashioned smooch when he walks in the door, and he wants to feel like you're excited to see him.  It is scientifically proven, that when you smooch your guy when he comes from a hard day's work, he will start to understand your riddle-like hints and he will not only take out the trash, he will even wash the dishes and clean up the dog poop in the back yard.  Just kidding, that's not proven, but I bet it works.

What makes a guy decide to propose to woman?

Ashley and I did not date for very long.  In fact, from the time we first kissed to the day we got engaged, was 43 days.....  When I knew I was going to marry Ashley, I had some of the strongest and most powerful experiences of my life.  There were things that tried to pull me away from her, and she from me, but there were stronger forces and influences in our lives that kept us together.  I knew, that THIS was the woman of my dreams, and NOTHING was going to stop me from marrying my girl!  Was it easy for me to realize such a life-changing event was happening to me, not at all.  But I had faith and I knew she was the girl I was supposed to marry.

We know that every relationship, person, and situation is different. This isn't a blanket statement for everyone who has ever walked the face of the earth, so don't take it as such. Let us know what topics/relationship posts you'd like to see next!

The Art Of Caring For Your Spirit.

Jeans- ℅ Dittos, Jacket- ℅ Voi Jeans, Shoes- ℅ Shop Prima Donna, Shirt- Anthropologie

Do more. 

Be more.

Spend more.

Make more.

Get more.

Help more.

more. more. more. more.

I've been getting tired. So tired, in fact, that in longing to be more, I have actually become less. Life is an interesting balance of so many things. When I get on social media every day, the balance looks like it needs to involve a lot of things that I really shouldn't spend time caring about. For some reason I'm told that I'm supposed to care about this Kardashian drama, or that Miley Cyrus shenanigan, or that the top retailer in the country is having the best sale of the year and I need what they are trying to sell me. Sometimes I start thinking that I actually care about this junk and find myself spending 10 minutes of my life reading the most garbage articles my eyes have ever laid eyes on. And then I'm told that I'm not parenting good enough, or that my ideas of love and marriage are too old school, and that I can be better so I need to change xyz and w. 

You're told these things, too. If you scroll down just your Facebook home page, sponsored post after sponsored post and tags of what is trending tell you these things every day. I'm starting to get so cranky at everything because I feel like garbage is being flung into my daily life and I have no control over it. I had enough, and I needed peace, and space, and quiet. I needed to get away from work, and people, and phone and media and everything. So I do what I always do in the moment, and called my sister and told her that we were going to Sedona. Actually, my husband told me that I was going to Sedona… probably so that the poor guy could find a small ounce of hope that his crazy wife would stop going batty over little things, take a chill pill, and come back refreshed. And of course, my sister had to come with me because I can't do anything without her and I desperately wanted her new baby for 24 hours to be right next to me.

We drove. We drove up to where we retreat when we need more armor for battle and where we can sit and be still. Within minutes of arriving, my over anxious life started to feel like it was winding down and that I could feel peace. Peace, I have learned, is the only feeling the world can not mock. It's a feeling that only comes from God. It can't be faked or bought, it can't be mimicked or intimidated. It belongs to a higher power, and can only come to us when we're able to feel it. 

I live in this war with myself, a lot of you know what I mean.

My mind and my head are running around 200 miles an hour. I tell myself more and when I logically can't make sense of things or figure out how a situation could possibly end well, my head makes the rest of my body freak out. It controls me, if I let it. 

Sometimes my spirit will kick in. It will fuel up with hope and faith, and give me a little more love to offer. It tells me things will be fine, and it helps me regain focus on what is important. It helps me live a life that I want to look back and say I lived. But the battles between myself and myself get rocky sometimes. And I get caught up in listening to my head, all the while forgetting that if my spirit leads, things will be fine. But we don't live in a spiritual world. We live in a temporal world that tells us things that are contrary to the things that are really true. 

You need time in your sanctuary. You need to make time in your retreat, to guard up and add more spiritual man power to your daily fight. Get away… in your room, on a mountain, in a church or the middle of nowhere or on a bench in the middle of the city. And let it be quiet. Don't think about things, 

feel things. The art of caring for your spirit comes from having the courage to let trivial matters pass you by, while maintaining focus on love, service, living and light.

A soldier doesn't go to battle unprepared.

You shouldn't either.

To The Robin Williams' of The World:

A few years ago I was making my same, daily drive.

I passed the elementary school next to the freeway, and saw something very long hanging from the only tree that the desert had to offer. I double glanced, to make sure it was what it seemed to be.

It was a man, hanging by his neck from a rope. 

Immediately I started to cry. The whole scene was very overwhelming and it really impacted me. I became obsessed with the news for the rest of the afternoon, trying to learn about what happened. A recently divorced, father of two girls, hung himself in an affluent part of Phoenix where he lived.

I felt sad for him, for his family, and wondered how long he had been suffering to make the decision that it would just be easier not to live. I wondered if anyone ever reached out to him, if he had close friends, and if this was a complete surprise.

Today when I learned the news about Robin Williams, I was in complete surprise. A man who was known for his comedy and who made his way into the hearts of people and families across the world was suddenly gone. Mrs. Doubtfire was the first movie I ever saw that had a bad word in it and I replayed that tape over, and over again. I always made sure to see the movies that Robin Williams was in. They were sure to be good, funny, and something about that man just lit up the screen. He seemed happy. He was open about a recent alcohol addiction that he was battling, and was seeking treatment to overcome it. He had a wife, kids, fame, money… everything that looks really, really good from the outside. Robin Williams would be the last person I would ever expect to want to end his life… I think we all feel that way which is why the news today has been so shocking.

Robin Williams represents thousands and thousands of people who battle with depression, mental illness, and addiction. I would imagine that it's very hard to put a number on the amount of people who battle with these things, because most of them seem to have it all together from the outside looking in.

I can't help but think what went wrong? Could anything have stopped him? How did he get to this point? I don't think that these are questions that answers will ever be found for, nor is it right to pass judgement and speculate. So I won't do that. But here's what I will do:

To all of the Robin Williams' of the world,

I hope you know that you are very, very brave. 

You are also loved, prayed for, admired and thought highly of by a lot of people in your life.

And while I can't fathom the amount of torture and seclusion you must feel within yourself every day, you're not alone. The demons you face are real, and your struggle is valid. I'd like to think that somewhere along your journey the light will shine down on you and answers and help will come. Darkness can't last forever, but while you're in it, know that you are not alone.

I've been trying to think what can I do? I know there are people in my life who battle with these things, and people I know who I wouldn't ever even imagine fight this war. My only conclusion is to just be there. Sometimes it's scary to have conversations with people when they don't recognize they need help, but it's a lot less scary than the potential outcome. While I may never fully understand the turmoil and pain that accompanies depression and mental illness, I know it is real, and that my job is to show up and keeping showing up with my love, support, and endless open arms.

RIP Robin Williams

And may peace find all of you who experience darkness on a daily basis.

I have so much love for you all. xoxoxo